Advice
Tips for the Groom.
Planning;
The first tip as you really need to start now (and as a minimum twelve weeks before the wedding), is to shed those extra pounds. The Bride will be making a big effort for the day, so it’ll go down well if you dust off the training shoes and lose an inch or two of girth. Those photos are going to be around for a long time, so take the opportunity to be looking your best.
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Keeping on the shoe theme, you need to buy your wedding day shoes well in advance and wear them in so you’re not hobbling up the aisle with your new wife. Similarly, get your wedding hair cut a good week before the day, so there are no surprises or a bad hair day; don’t forget you will be looking at pictures of this day for many many years, even generations to come.
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This is her big day that she has been dreaming about since she was a little girl, so whilst you may be more interested in going our for a few beers or a little PS3 it’s best to play it safe and just sit there and listen, and offer your ideas and advice, which may or may not be listened to. She'll never fully understand why the wedding isn't as big a deal to you as it is to her. When your fiancée is asking you questions like "What wedding theme would you like?", "What wedding colours?", "What kind of flowers?", "Should we have a disco or band?" or “Have marquee or book a venue?”, whilst your only real concern maybe that she shows up on the day and you don't really know what she's talking about, ask her to explain, she'll like that you care.
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However, it is important that you talk to your fiancée about the type and cost of the wedding you both would like. Whilst you may be happy to give the bride a free rein to create her dream day there may be certain things that you envisioned and should be discussed with her, not forgetting to set the budget you are both happy in spending. I’d say visit potential venues together, for most this will be mandatory. The day is for both of you and so the big decisions need to be made together if for no other reason than for you to show that you fully support her.
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The guest list will be a great source of acrimonies as there is a finite number you can invite and don’t forget that, for example, 100 people is only really 50 friends with their partners. This often get more embroiled when parents are helping with the cost of the wedding, as they feel they have the right to invite people. Whilst you don’t want to fall out over this, I know of a groom that did not speak to his mum for a month before his wedding as he would not invite who she wanted. It is your day so you want to be surrounded by the people who care for you, and not just your mother in law’s friends. The compromise maybe, that if there are ten tables then offer one each to the parents to fill with their guests.
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Parents or even worse the out-laws; whilst these people raised and cared for you over the years (and no one should forget that) in the end, it's your day and should be done your way, even if they are contributing financially. You can use a couple of their ideas if you like them, or maybe even just to keep the peace, but pick your arguments carefully and ask yourself if it is a battle worth fighting. Most of all remember, your fiancée is the one that you’ll end up living with, and the parents, well eventually they will get over it.
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What to wear;
Whilst this decision will probably be made for you, your options are;
A traditional morning suit consisting of a morning coat, black and grey pinstriped trousers, black shoes and black socks and a waistcoat. The waistcoat traditionally is in either grey or beige, however increasingly other colours are being worn and especially popular is gold. It’s traditional to leave the bottom button of your waistcoat undone, a tradition dating back to Henry VIII; when he got a bit too portly to fasten the bottom button on his waistcoat the courtiers and staff didn’t fasten theirs either as no one wanted to risk offending the King. The coat is normally black or grey in the afternoon; as etiquette dictates that only the groom may wear a grey morning suit at a wedding, unless of course you are royalty. An ivory shirt looks better than a white one which can often look like something you would wear to the office.
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Black tie, more common with our American cousins, but increasing in popularity over here. For this you should wear a black suit (white jacket in warmer climates), which consists of a double or single breast black jacket with ribbed silk or satin-faced lapels, and trousers with a single braid or satin stripe down the outside leg. Underneath the jacket you should wear a Marcella or pleated white shirt with a classic or wing collar with a black bow tie. Waist coats can be used to give a modern feel and to coordinate with the colour theme of the day, but never a coloured bow tie, they are just for clowns.
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Highland Wear is rapidly becoming more and more popular, both in and outside of Scotland; the kilt is becoming a very fashionable choice for grooms to get married in. There is a whole range of tartans to choose from. A Scotsman would normally choose his clan tartan, if you don’t have a clan association then you can choose a district tartan, which may also give you more scope for coordinating with the colour theme, but there are also tartans that anyone can wear, for example Black Watch, the Pride of Scotland and the Isle of Skye. A kilt (Kilts were invented by the Irish, but the word 'kilt' is Danish and in the words of John Matsers “A kilt is an unrivalled garment for fornication and diarrhoea.”) is worn with a sporran and fastened with a kilt pin; evening Highland wear should be worn with a black tie and a wing collar. The skean-dhu is a traditional ceremonial dagger and is worn on your right leg if you are right handed and vice versa for left handers. Black-laced brogues should be worn tied up the legs over cream dress socks held up with garters and coloured flashes. The kilt should come just level with the tops of your knees.
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Also popular not only because of its practicality, is a lounge suit. Depending on budget, you can pick a good suit from the high street, or go the whole hog and have one tailored, but beware that the tailoring process can be as long as two months. A classically tailored suit will always look sharp and will never goes out of style. It also affords the opportunity to be worn again and again well after the big day. A good shirt, cufflinks and smart shoes would set this off for the big day.
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Stag night;
Whatever you do, don't have your stag the night before the wedding. Plan it for the weekend before or even better before that so you have time to heal and for anything that needs to grow back to grow back. On the day you're already going to feel your stomach in knots, as you wake for the last time of your single life; you really don’t want to risk ten pints and curry trying to make a re-appearance! The wedding day is also going to be one of the best days of your life, it would be a shame that you are too tired and too unwell to enjoy the day. Given that you will be paying a relatively large amount for it you really should make the most of it, and with a photographer on hand to capture the days events do you really want to risk ruining the pictures and the wrath of the wife forevermore?!
On the day;
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On the morning of the wedding, just to let her know you are thinking of her, send a text or better a note telling her how much you are looking forward to the day and to being married. Even, better arrange for one of the bridesmaids to deliver a little present, those turquoise boxes go down awfully well, and it makes it all the more a special gift if it is something she can wear on the day. Not sure what, then you have a team of bridesmaids who’d be delighted to help you.
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Never ever be late for the ceremony, never ever; that is solely the bride’s prerogative. Make sure that you, the best man and the ushers all arrive in plenty of time. Not only does this build a contingency to any hold ups on the day, but gives the photographer time to take some pre-wedding shots and for you to mingle a little with the guests. Of course, a popular option is to sit looking a little startled at the front of the church with a dry mouth; but just don’t be late.
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Once the service has been completed and it is time to escort your new bride to the reception, the bride and groom leave the venue traditionally with the bride on his left, to leave his sword arm free! The rest of the congregation should fill in behind you, starting with the front rows.
At the wedding breakfast (so called as it used to be traditional for the couple to fast on the day until married) it’s traditional for the speakers to toast the couple. It is NOT appropriate to join them in the toast, as would show a lack of humility. You should acknowledge the person gratefully by looking at them and then thanking them after the toast.
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The key part of the speech is that it has been written and well rehearsed beforehand. There are plenty of books or a Google search if you are stuck for ideas; but whilst you don’t want it to sound like an Oscars’ acceptance speech thanking everyone you ever met but make sure the key people are thanked; most importantly, compliment your new spouse and don’t be afraid to openly express you affection for her. Also remember anyone that has helped contribute to the day and thanking the two mums always goes down very well. The speech itself should be like a mini skirt, long enough to cover the important bits and short enough to be interesting!
Despite your friends keen to wish you well, it is both a day for you to remember and enjoy and a day that will be remembered by all hopefully for the right reasons, so a little moderation is well advised. Personally speaking I had a complete drinking ban on my wedding day, and the best man and usher were briefed accordingly not to lead me astray, enforced by the respective wives, so a very sober day for me.
If you are not leaving immediately on a honeymoon, organize in advance what you are going to do for your first night together. If it is to be a hotel, pick a nice one and enjoy using the room service! It may be worth either keeping it under wraps where you are staying or using spouse power to make sure no jokers spoil your nights ‘sleep’ with any pranks.
More for the next day, as you will probably be jetting off to some exotic location, make sure one of the ushers or best man has been assigned will collecting and returning the suit hire, you don’t want to come back and find you have weeks of late fees to pay.
People;
Choosing your best man is a very tricky and political decision, your best friend might not be the best man for the job, it may be easier to ask your brother or another relative to avoid upsetting your friends, or it may be best to ask someone who is responsible, honest and good at making speeches. Whoever it is that you choose give them plenty of notice so they have plenty of time to write speeches and to organise the stag weekend.
Choosing the ushers is not so hard as their numbers are not limited and it’s a great way to include friends and relatives from both sides of the family. Traditionally your team of ushers would consist of close male family and friends who aren’t otherwise involved. For example your own and the bride’s brothers but more often they are groom’s ‘gang’ of friends. As for the number of ushers, as a guide it’s one usher per thirty guests but if you, for example , have six close friends then have six ushers regardless of guest numbers, although don’t go under.
Whilst the best man has a clearly defined role, there is often confusion as to just what the ushers are supposed to do besides hanging around the back of the church. There are plenty of duties they can take responsibility for e.g. collecting and distributing buttonholes; distributing the order of service sheets to the guest (making sure there is one available for the Bride, groom and bridesmaids); helping guests with parking and directions to the ceremony from the parking area; helping the guests into the venue with a golf umbrella if it’s wet; greeting guests and showing them to their seat on the appropriate side of the church or venue (traditionally Bride left and Groom right); also seating guests who need to be near the door, those with children for example; reminding guests to turn off mobile phones; escorting the mother of the bride (traditionally the last person before the bride to enter) to her seat at the front of the church leaving a space beside her for the father of the Bride; helping the photographer get the right people in the right place at the right time and to make sure that each guest has transport to the reception.
