Advice
Planning the Day.
Once the initial excitement of the engagement has worn off, the daunting prospect of organising a wedding can feel a little overwhelming. Hopefully the following few tips helps towards putting the day’s events into perspective.
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The first step is to close your eyes and envision your perfect wedding, is it to be modern, traditional, relaxed or formal? Setting the theme and colours will create the ambience for the day. For inspiration there are plenty of magazines out there, but look at bride as well fashion, home and travel magazines. Tear the pictures out that you like and look for the common thread, and chances are these colours will create the feeling that's right for you.
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The number of attendants you choose is entirely up to you. You can keep it small and ask just your closest sibling or best friend, or extend your entourage to include more pals or family members. Remember there are no rules to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, so don't feel compelled to ask someone to join your bridal party just to keep the sides even.
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Whilst developing a realistic budget is the least romantic and fun aspect of planning the wedding it if by far the most important and will dictate all the other decisions you will make for the day. To get a sense of how much money you have to work with, determine how much you and your fiancé have available and sit down with both sets of parents to find out what, if anything, they are able to contribute.
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Do not spend a penny or book a single service until the two of you have thoroughly worked out your budget, this is where a couple can go wrong early and never recover. They fall in love with a venue and book it right away, then find they have to skimp on everything else, including necessities.
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To help set a budget and decide where the money will be spent try to separate your ‘wants' from your ‘needs'. The ‘needs' list consists of the items you have to have to make your special day work, such as a good photographer and an affordable venue. While the ‘wants' are the items you get after the ‘needs' are satisfied, such as ornate centrepieces or customized favours.
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Make a reserve B-list of guests for wedding breakfast. This is exactly what it sounds like, a reserve to fill seat if the first choice A-listers can’t make it. The general rule of thumb is if you're having over 200 guests, then you can estimate that about 25-28% of your guests will be unable to attend. If you are having less 200 guests, then the percentage usually decreases to about 15-20% or less. Other factors include how many guests you invite that live out-of-town and the travel distance required to attend the wedding. Remember, every family and guest list is different, so always be prepared in case everyone is able to come!
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There are two ways to get away with a B-list without offending anyone. First, send your A-list invites out eight to ten weeks before your event so you have enough time to get responses and move on to the B-list, avoiding putting people who know one another well on separate lists. The alternative is to have married couples on the B-list and tell them, anyone who has been through the process is more than understanding about the constraints on numbers and pressure from family that limit invitations going to the people you really want to attend.
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If you don’t want to be chasing friends and family make sure to enclose response cards with your invitation, they should be printed with the date to respond by and have a line for guests to fill in their names and a line for them to note how many of those invited will be able to attend. Give your caterer your final headcount a week before the wedding date.
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The ceremony is really the heart of your wedding day, and once again there will be plenty of choices when it comes to what you want and what's best for you. You can opt for a religious ceremony at a church or temple or a civil wedding at a registry office or licensed wedding.
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In true boy scout style, be prepared on the day, make sure you have (well bridesmaids have), an emergency kit packed with essentials for tackling common wedding-day mishaps like torn hems or broken heels. Some must-haves: double-sided fabric tape, a small sewing kit, superglue, deodorant, breath mints, clear nail polish, moleskin and tissues.
You’ve watched strictly on the TV and have seen the You-Tube dirty dancing video, whilst you may not get to their standards, it might be worth spending a few weeks polishing your steps for your first dance. Whether you waltz, tango or swing, a little practice (or even a few lessons) can make the difference between shuffling nervously around the dance floor and wowing your guests with your smooth moves.
Show your guests how much you appreciate their presence with a thoughtful favour. Skip the sugared almonds and think about something that says more about you and of the theme for the day.
The invitations should be ordered around seven months before the wedding to give plenty of time for them to be proof read and printed and for you to mail them all. If you find you are running behind schedule, ask the printer to send the envelopes ahead of the invitations so you can get on with the time consuming task of addressing the them all.
Be sure to order about 20 extra invitations and envelopes. You'll need them for any last-minute additions to your guest list and for redoing any envelope-addressing goofs. Not forgetting to save yourself a few invites to tuck away as precious keepsakes of the day.
To try and make the day fun for everyone including the younger guests, seat them all at a special kids' table designed with them in mind; a few colouring books and crayons, a goodie bag of treats like stickers and sweets and perhaps have a willing teen or a local baby sitter to supervise the table allowing the parents to have a break from their kids and to fully enjoy their day.
The big music question is band or DJ, or even both with each taking turns performing or the band can play during the early part of the reception and the DJ can take over later on. A more modern approach is to make a playlist on your iPod and let it do the DJing for you, just make sure your venue has good speakers.
Having an open bar is very common at weddings and is even expected in many regions. If you're concerned about the cost, there are a few wallet-friendly alternatives: Have an open bar for the cocktail hour and then switch to just beer and wine; serve only beer and wine for the entire event, set limits on the spend with the venue, whilst open bars go down well, its your friends at your wedding so everyone will just be pleased to be there, open bar or not.
At a formal wedding, guests are often assigned a specific seat at the table, and that's where place cards come in. These can be as simple as a tented piece of card or as whimsical as a tiny floral arrangement. If you're putting printed menu cards at each seat, they can do double duty as place cards. Just ask your printer or calligrapher to add a guest's name to the top of each menu.
It not all wedding, wedding, wedding; between formalwear fittings, cake tastings and worries over putting together a guest list, wedding planning can put a strain on your relationship, so make a point to pencil in some quiet time with your fiancé. Whether dinner at a new restaurant, a movie or just a stroll in the park on a Sunday morning.
There are no two ways about it, asking for presents by sending out registry details is a bit tacky, but better that than thirty toasters. The friends and family attending the wedding all want to buy you something special so why not make it easy for them, simply include with the invitation a card from the store with your registry details upon.
Save-the-date cards are a great way to give your guests plenty of notice about your upcoming nuptials. Save-the-date cards are mailed out six to eight months before the wedding, but can also be sent as soon as you've come up with a complete guest list and confirmed your wedding date.
From the florist to the caterer, your vendors are the pros you'll rely on to carry out your wedding-day wishes. When hiring vendors take the time to check their references, ask for samples when possible (many caterers or bakers will do tasting, for example, and florists will often provide a sample centrepiece), and be sure to get everything you agree on in writing.
Writing your own vows can be a sweet way to personalize your ceremony, and it has become increasingly popular to do so. You and your fiancé should both speak from the heart, but try to make the style of your vows similar. For example, decide whether you'll be serious or humorous, or both.
If you have flower girls or page boys ask the parents to help them prepare and rehearse for their role by for example walking down the aisle, scattering flower petals etc.. You want to be sure that young attendants will feel comfortable when their big moment comes.
Far too many brides wish they'd spent less time worrying and more time having fun on the day. When the band or DJ plays the last song of the night, grab your new husband for one final turn on the dance floor. Then stop and look around at all the family members and friends who so happily celebrated the day with you. Now, savour the moment. Even if the weather wasn't just what you'd hoped for, or there were a few little disasters along the way, look back on your day with no regrets and look forward to starting life as a newlywed!
