Advice
Wedding Superstitions and Traditions.
As weddings are a very old and venerable institution so there are many customs and superstitions associated with them. A lot of these superstitions evolved many centuries ago in a time when people believed they were particularly susceptible to bad luck and evil spirits and even more so on their wedding day. They carry on today in the belief that they will bring good luck and happiness.
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There are far too many to list them all but here are a few of the more common traditions;
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Proposal
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In the past a marriage proposal was a much more formal procedure. The prospective groom would send his friends and/ or family members to represent his interests to the prospective bride and her family.
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What they saw on their way all had a special meaning and significance. If they saw a blind man, a monk or a pregnant woman during their journey it was thought that the marriage would be doomed if they continued their journey as these were thought to be bad omens. If they saw nanny goats, pigeons or wolves these were good omens which would bring good fortune to the marriage.
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A medieval suitor in Brittany would propose by leaving a hawthorn branch at the door of his beloved on the first of May. If she left the branch at the door she accepted his proposal but if she replaced the hawthorn branch with a cauliflower it meant a refusal.
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Surnames
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It is thought unlucky for a woman to marry a man whose surname begins with the same letter as her own as this rhyme suggests;
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To change the name and not the letter
Is to change for the worst and not the better.
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It is also thought to be bad luck for the bride to practice writing her new name before the wedding as it is thought to bring bad luck by tempting fate.
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Choosing the Day
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Most modern weddings now take place on Fridays and Saturdays but in the past it was considered unlucky especially Friday the 13ths.
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This old rhyme gives advice on the day to marry;
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Monday for wealth,
Tuesday for health,
Wednesday the best day of all,
Thursday for losses,
Friday for crosses,
Saturday for no luck at all.
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And this old rhyme gives advice on the month;
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Married when the year is new, he’ll be loving, kind and true.
When February birds do mate, You wed nor dread your fate.
If you wed when March winds blow, joy and sorrow both you’ll know.
Marry in April when you can, Joy for Maiden and for Man.
Marry in the month of May, and you’ll surely rue the day.
Marry when June roses grow, over land and sea you’ll go.
Those who in July do wed, must labour for their daily bred.
Whoever wed in August be, many a change is sure to see
Marry in September’s shrine, your living will be rich and fine.
If in October you do marry, love will come but riches tarry.
If you wed in bleak November, only joys will come, remember.
When December snows fall fast, marry and true love will last.
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May has been particularly regarded as an unlucky month, “Marry in May and you’ll live to rue the day”. In Pagan times May was the start of summer was when the festival of Beltane was celebrated with outdoor orgies, so was considered an unsuitable time to start married life. In Roman times the Feast of the Dead and the festival of the goddess of chastity both occurred in May.
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The advice was taken particularly seriously in Victorian times and Queen Victoria is thought to have forbidden her children from marrying in May.
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Lent was thought an inappropriate time for a wedding, “Marry in Lent, live to repent”, as this was a time of abstinence.
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June however was considered to be a lucky month to marry in because it is named after Juno, the Roman goddess of love and marriage.
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The summer as a whole was considered a good time to marry and this is partly to do with the sun’s association with fertility. In Scotland one popular custom was for the bride to “walk with the sun” to bring her good luck. She would walk from east to west on the south side of the church and then continue walking around the church three times.
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The Wedding Dress
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One of the best known superstitions is that it is considered also unlucky for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before until she arrives at the ceremony. It is also believed to be unlucky for the bride to make her own wedding dress, the bride should not wear her entire outfit before the wedding day and some brides leave a final stitch on the dress undone until it is time to leave for the ceremony when the outfit is completed.
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Wedding Dress Colour
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For modern day brides white is the most common and traditional colour to marry in and is believed to symbolise maidenhood. This tradition was started by the aristocracy in sixteenth century and was given a boost by Queen Victoria who chose to marry in white instead of silver which was then traditional colour of Royal brides.
In the past however wedding dress colour was a matter of preference and this rhyme was offered as a guide;
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Married in White, you have chosen right,
Married in Blue, your love will always be true,
Married in Pearl, you will live in a whirl,
Married in Brown, you will live in town,
Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead,
Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow,
Married in Green, ashamed to be seen,
Married in Pink, your spirit will sink,
Married in Grey, you will go far away,
Married in Black, you will wish yourself back.
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A green dress is thought to be unlucky unless the bride is Irish. The old expression that a woman has a ‘green gown’ was used to imply promiscuity, the green staining being due to rolling in grassy fields.
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The Veil
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The veil was originally worn by Roman brides; it was thought that it would disguise the bride and therefore outwit wicked spirits. The veil became popular in Britain in the eighteen hundreds but was more associated with modesty and chastity.
In some Jewish weddings there is a ritual where the groom ensures that the bride is his intended before placing the veil over her face.
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The Best Man
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It is the best man’s duty to protect the groom from bad luck. He must ensure that once the groom has began his journey to the church he does not return for any reason.
He must also arrange for the groom to carry a small mascot or charm in his pocket on the wedding day. When the best man is paying the church minister’s fee he should pay him an odd sum to bring luck to the couple.
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Bridesmaids
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Less so today, but bridesmaids used to wear similar dresses to the bride as they would act as decoys and confuse evil spirits and so protect the bride.
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Flowers
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Flowers have always been used for decoration at weddings and often they are chosen on the basis of their symbolic meaning. The groom often chooses a flower for his buttonhole which also occurs in the bride’s bouquet, this harks back to a time when a Knight would wear his Lady’s colours to display his love.
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On the Wedding Day
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When the bride is ready to leave the house for the wedding ceremony a last look in the mirror will bring her good luck. However, returning to the mirror once she has begun her journey will result in bad luck.
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Seeing a chimney sweep on the way to a wedding is though to bring good luck and it is still possible to hire one to attend wedding ceremonies. Other good luck omens when seen on the way to the ceremony include lambs, toads, spiders, black cats and rainbows.
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Bad omens include seeing an open grave, a pig, a lizard or hearing a cockerel crow after dawn. Seeing a Monk or a Nun is also considered unlucky as this predicts poverty, chastity and a dependence on charity by the newlyweds.
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Depending on culture bad weather can be a good or bad omen. Cloudy skies and wind are believed to cause stormy marriages but snow on the other hand is associated with fertility and wealth.
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Something Old, Something New
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Something old, something new
Something borrowed, something blue
And a silver sixpence in your shoe.
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The rhyme itself originates in Victorian times, but the custom itself is much older.
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The “something old” refers to the couple’s friends who will hopefully remain close during the marriage. Customarily this represented by an old garter which given to the bride by a happily married woman in the hope that her happiness in marriage would be passed on to the new bride.
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“Something new” symbolises the newlyweds’ happy and prosperous future.
The “something borrowed” is a much valued item loaned by the bride’s family. The bride must return the item to ensure good luck.
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The “something blue” originated in ancient Israel when the bride wore a blue ribbon in her hair to represent fidelity.
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The “silver sixpence in your shoe” was to ensure wealth in the couples married life.
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The Couple’s First Purchase
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It is said that the first partner who buys a new item after the wedding will be the dominant one in the relationship. Many brides ensure that they make the first purchase by arranging to buy a small item such as a pin from the chief bridesmaid immediately after the ceremony.
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Confetti
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Confetti take it’s name and tradition from Italy where they throw sweets over the couple as they emerge from the Church in that same way we use paper confetti. Before the use of paper confetti the married couple were showered with flowers, petals, rice or grains. This was to bestow prosperity and fertility on the couple.
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The Wedding Cake
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The couple cutting the cake together symbolising their shared future is quite a modern custom, but cakes have been associated with wedding through out history.
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The Romans would share a plain cake made from wheat flour, salt and water during the wedding ceremony itself.
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The flat round fruit and nut cakes traditional in the UK symbolised fertility where the modern three tiered iced cake are believed to have been inspired by the spire of Saint Bride’s Church in the City of London.
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It is said that unmarried guests who place a piece of wedding cake under their pillow before sleeping will increase there prospects of finding a partner and bridesmaids who do likewise will dream of their future husbands.
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The top tier of the cake is often kept by couples for the christening of their first child.
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In the past the custom was to throw many small cakes over the bride in a similar way in which we throw confetti today. A modification of this custom was to crumble cake over the brides head and in some versions to break the cake over the Bride’s head. In Scotland Oat Cakes were used for this purpose. This was done to promote fertility.
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In Yorkshire the plate holding wedding cake was thrown out of the window as the bride returned to her parental home after the wedding. If the plate broke she would enjoy a happy future with her husband but if the plate remained intact her future would be grim.
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Another old English custom was to place a ring in the wedding cake. The guest who found the ring in their piece of cake would be ensured happiness for the next year.
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Shoes
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In the past there have been a number of customs involving shoes which were thought to bring good luck. The best known, which is still upheld, is to tie shoes to the back of the newlyweds’ car. This has evolved from the Tudor custom where guests would throw shoes at the newlywed couple. It was considered lucky if they or their carriage were hit.
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Less well known is for the bride’s father to give the groom a pair of the bride’s shoes to symbolise the passing of responsibility for the daughter to her new husband. A variation of the custom is for the groom to tap the bride on the forehead with one of the shoes to assert his dominance.
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The custom of the bride throwing her bouquet shoulder, described below, was originally performed by her throwing one of her shoes over her shoulder.
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Bouquet
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Another of the better known traditions is for the bride to toss the bouquet over her shoulder to the unmarried Ladies present. Tradition holds that the one who catches the bouquet will be the next one of those present to marry.
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Crossing the Threshold
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It is traditional for the groom to carry the bride over the threshold when they enter for the first time. The reason for this is uncertain but there are several explanations; the bride will be visited by bad luck if she falls when entering or that the bride will be unlucky if she steps into the new home with the left foot first and so by carrying the bride, both these pitfalls are avoided. Another explanation is that it symbolises the old Anglo-Saxon custom of the groom stealing his bride and carrying her off.
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The Honeymoon
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The origin of the term “honeymoon” is a little unknown, but the more obvious one is that it was traditional to drink honey wine for the first lunar cycle after the wedding.
In 1552 Richard Huloet described it as “Hony mone, a term proverbially applied to such as be newly married, which will not fall out at the first, but th’one loveth the other at the beginning exceedingly, the likelihood of their exceadinge love appearing to aswage, ye which time the vulgar people call the hony mone”.
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In Scotland the custom was for a woman with milk in her breasts to prepare the marital bed to encourage fertility in the newlyweds.
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In Ireland a laying hen was tied to the bed on the first honeymoon night in the hope that some of its fertility would be passed on to the couple. Eating a double yoked egg was also thought to bring fertility.
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